Trees to Lorax: "Shut up"

If you read Deadspin, you're probably familiar with the various season previews, usually given to fans of a team as a soapbox to say how they feel about the team for the upcoming year. Or, in this case, given to the most famous magazine editor willing to call himself a Cubs fan. Complete idiocy or subtle sabotage by Cardinals fan Will Leitch? You be the judge.

FRAUD MARKER #1
Believes the 1908 World Series was held at Wrigley Field, which was not built until 1914. (At which time it was called Weeghman Park, anyway.)

FRAUD MARKER #2
Believes the Cubs' last title was won over the Pirates, who finished third in the NL (that's right, same league as the Cubs!) in 1908. When I first read this I thought it was a joke, but I don't think I can extend that kind of benefit of the doubt.

FRAUD MARKER #3
Thinking Hideki Matsui played on a Yankees team that won a World Series. His first year in New York was 2003. Not even close. This isn't Cubs-related, but it does tell you something about how much of a baseball fan the guy is. And even if he wasn't sure, it would have taken, what, ten seconds to look that up?

FRAUD MARKER #4
Thinking Sean Marshall is a viable candidate for the rotation, and apparently having no idea that Ryan Dempster was in the mix. Unless this article was written two months ago, what serious Cubs fan has an excuse for having no clue as to what the starting rotation will look like, especially when it was just announced?

FRAUD MARKER #5
Ditto for the whole "Howry/Marmol as two-headed closer" thing. Have you been in a cave since February 1?

FRAUD MARKER #6
Thinking Fukudome is a 40-45 HR threat. I'm hopeful for the guy, but nobody is projecting he's going to have that kind of power. Maybe if you just heard that the Cubs were getting some Japanese guy and read nothing about him, you could make that kind of leap in your mind.

FRAUD MARKER #7
Thinking that Soto was "landed ... this off-season." Uh, did you watch the playoffs last year? When he was our starting fucking catcher?

FRAUD MARKER #8
Thinking that Felix Pie is "finally making his big league debut." I'll cut him some slack here; maybe he just doesn't know what "debut" means. Pie didn't play a ton last year, but he did appear in 87 games, which is more than half a season.

FRAUD MARKER #9
Generally sounding like a shit-eating 22-year-old who just graduated from Notre Dame and is on his third Old Style in the top of the second. All that was missing was his failure to work in some sort of "Cardinals suck, Sox swallow" joke.

God. And see, this is the kind of person that the media allows to be the face of Cubs fans. No wonder everyone pictures us as drunken, overgrown frat boys who are more interested in getting a sunburn than watching a baseball game. Ugh.